Is there something that you wish your SO would understand about the job?

[Breacher]

My girlfriend has always been really supportive of the job, however here lately I have been getting alot more late night SWAT callouts. I can tell that she is getting annoyed but what can I do? It's my job and I love the callouts. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[GiniaJM]

As a now former wife (not divorced due to job) of a retired cop, I can tell you that I spent many years dealing with swing shifts (and swing moods along with those), and unforseen calls to crime scenes, you name it. We were married for 15 years, so I know of what I speak.

There is not a lot you can change about your job. It's not like a workaholic who stays at the office or brings their work home and ignores the loved one for hours. When you put that badge on, you are a servant of that job. You go out (especially on SWAT calls) when you have to. You are bound by your job to do it and do it well, as outlined by it's parameters.

Your girlfriend either needs to find a 9-5 Joe, or be supportive of your job parameters. You cannot change them, so she needs to understand that.

Now, as for going out to drink or party with the guys (like some cops are prone to do), you do have control over those issues. If you are simply working and doing your job, then she needs to get over it or she'll never be able to be married to a cop or handle it long-term in any capacity.

To her: Toughen up chick

[LawDawg]

I'd tell you to look to see what resources/friends/family that may also be on the job (or had family members/spouses who were) are around for support. It always helped my family/spouse and those of my team (detectives, not SWAT) when we were able to direct them to others who were able to vent to each other as they were in the same spot. This went well as long as it didn't turn into a forum for building anger, which would make the situation worse. We kind of spent some time with everyone (family/wives/girlfriends) in order to explain some "ground rules" to try to prevent something like that from happening. It was kind of like "choir practice" for loved ones. Another excellent resource was a book called: "I Love a Cop, Revised Edition: What Police Families Need to Know" by Ellen Kirschman. I read it and liked it as it gave some perspective (long and short term) to the job, but I'd put one piece of advice to this book. If you've got another party involved (spouse/girlfriend/family) that is especially concerned/annoyed by the job, read it together (you may want to read it first) and then actually take the time to discuss the stuff that comes out from it. It may take some time but it is worth it when you take it upfront, not years later trying to deal with fallout/issues they may have built up. Also, sorry to say that GiniaJM is right and if none of this other stuff helps, she may just have to deal. Hope some of this helps. Good luck.

[Breacher]

Thanks, I appreciate the advice. I will definately pick up that book. And no I rarely go out with the guys, mainly because I'm working too much. It is purely a problem with the job. I think I need to sit down with her and have a long talk and see if we can figure it out. If not I will just tell her to toughen up! Thanks again.

The only people who truly know the job are those people who do the job.

[Sipowicz]

Originally Posted by klh7768

The only people who truly know the job are those people who do the job.

True, but the aforementioned book "I Love a Cop" is an excellent read and is the best thing I have found to help the family (and friends) of a cop understand what makes the cop tick.

[Breacher]

Originally Posted by Sipowicz

True, but the aforementioned book "I Love a Cop" is an excellent read and is the best thing I have found to help the family (and friends) of a cop understand what makes the cop tick.

Yes it is and it has helped my girlfriend immensely. Highly recommended!